


stupid words

by Drunken_duckling



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drunken_duckling/pseuds/Drunken_duckling
Summary: Pass this crap by. It is as stupid as my life.
Kudos: 1





	stupid words

**Author's Note:**

> Pass this crap by. It is as stupid as my life.

It is spring. It is spring, and everybody thought they were going to die.  
It is like all the books about apocalypse I have read, except for it's totally real. Everybody is locked up at their homes with loads of toilet paper and cheap food they are proud of buying. I can only think. My memories seem to bring me back to life. I want to go to sleep forever and not wake up again. Why would I? I'm bored. As bored as I could ever be. People might think stupid things, but the reality would be even more stupid and strange that it is. Honestly, I don't even understand it myself. The cuts on my hands don't hurt, even when I touch them with my frozen fingers. They're not deep but there are a lot. I don't count them. When I try to, there always seems to be more. It's not the matter. Nothing is the matter but my own thoughts. I seem to remember it all.

You are tall. Jia Hao is tall and skinny, but you are taller than him. I might be mistaken, but to me it seems so. Your big brown eyes which seem to be twice as big behind your glasses. I couldn't stop and look into them every time I saw you, then quickly looked away. You didn't seem to notice. I'm sure you won't notice it the next time you will see me. And your hair... People who know me say mine is curly. My hair is nothing compared to your. I always wondered how do you manage to put it into all hairstyles you wear. How does it feel when you touch it? I always had questions to ask, and I will have them for a long time. You always had that cut on your hand. I saw it every time but never asked about it. I always felt that you won't answer. See, some things have to remain undiscovered. You might know what I'm talking about. I know it for sure. I know that if you had a choice, you would wish not to discover this.

You were always kind to me. Remember the time when I spilled that whole flask of Blanco on my blazer? I cried. I always cry, and you know that. You would always come to the bathrooms' door and ask "Are you ok?". I would always answer "yes" even though I wasn't ok. Will you ever be kind to me again if you would find out? I don't deserve that. I'm too strange and stupid for kindness. You are not. But you are still walking around with Jana even though you're twice as big as her. Everybody knows how she says "I don't care!" all the time. She keeps calling you a fake friend, she insults you all the time but you keep acting like nothing is happening. What is all that for? You are not like her. See, big dogs act like they are giant stuffed toys and small ones like chihuahuas are basically small monsters. I'm not comparing you to a dog. I am not comparing anyone to anything. I'm only comparing life to an enormous lump of terrible unfairness and misfortune.

Good feelings come and go, but awful ones stay in your heart and memory so long that it seems like they were and will be there forever. It is sad to realise that when I will finally see your face everything will be over. Life is long. Longer than your name, longer than anyone's name, but it seems to be a beaten path in the woods where light shines rarely. Please, don't let your life be like mine. Don't repeat my mistakes. I like to see your smile. I wish you were smiling more often.

Let your happiness be as big as my love to you.


End file.
